i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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