I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
