White coat. Heels.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Banned from zoo.
Again?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
