dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
