OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
