Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize