theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
