dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
