I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
