i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
