so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
