A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
