You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
