but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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