Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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