she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
