He is an equal opportunity slut.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
