i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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