The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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