You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
