I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
