He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
