I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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