You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
