I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You did what with his pubic hair?
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