my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
