he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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