Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
