So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
