If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
