Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize