The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
