just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
