i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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