none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
