come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The power of my boobs compel you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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