omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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