Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize