So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
