Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
