This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even my vagina gasped.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
