I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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