so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
