It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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