I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
lets start a swedish sibling band together
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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