i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
