do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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