...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
