Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
