Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
