I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
