girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
