i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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