I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
