I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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