I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
