Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
