he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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