"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
