I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
