Barsexuality is the new black.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
