I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
