If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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