Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
