I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize