I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
