i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
