Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
