True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize