I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
