does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize