nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
