I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
