If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
