Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
